How to live with a narcissist?

Divorcing a Narcissist_Warning Sign

 

Do you have a loved one who is intolerably a narcissist. Well I did have a few experiences. I would love to share my experiences with you.

I will first list out the few plans for a better living with a narcissist whom you can never avoid.

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Plan 1

Identify the narcisist. Perhaps you are dealing with a person who pretends to be one, but might not be the same by nature.

At work place you might find people who have a bossy nature. They might be forcing themselves to face the leadership. When you interact with them, you might find he/ she is a totally different person.

A narcissist expects to be recognized as superior or special, without superior accomplishments.

A narcissist expects constant attention and admiration from others.

A narcissist is preoccupied with thoughts and fantasies of success.

A narcissist lacks the ability to empathize with the feelings of others.

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Plan 2

Does he / she tend to use you for their needs?
or
Do you tend to pay more attention to their needs than your own?

They constantly talk about their problems, but rarely is supportive in return. To an extreme narcissist, people are things to be used.
Mostly this nature is taken for granted. We might help this person out of love. But when its we who need the help, we might get helpless! This person who we had considered so close no longer listens to our help. It is automatically assumed that we will take care of it.

Donot help him/her a lot and start concentrating on your life.

The help he/ she seeks might at first turn as a suggestion, later it would be a request and after it has been your task, he/ she would even point out when you don’t do it. If there is an excuse, he/she might turn the house upside down! Beware of this situation, before its late.

 

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Plan 3

Narcissist are control freaks!

The narcissist would always have excessive control towards you.
Some might control you through excessive love and some might show their anger.
Remember, narcissist is a person without self- esteem. You leave them, they would surely panic. Donot hesitate to move on leaving them. Choosing to live with them would inturn ruin your life.

 

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Plan 4

Narcissist- The Psychological game player

They never succeed in their never-ending quest for new ways to prove to themselves they’re worth something.
If you stop playing your inculcated role, you would be soon replaced by some one else. Even if you are adored a lot one day, be ready to be hated the same way some other day. Narcissists cannot love anyone truly. They only pretend to love their people for acheiving their goals.
Never consider the love from a narcissist to be a true love. You would surely be replaced soon!

Start having your life without them, before they abandon/replace you.

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Plan 5

How to react when they are angry?

The first advice is to please avoid such situations. The longer you help and love them, the longer you are accused.
If you are a prey of this situation, kindly have patience.
Remember to softly reply to this person. You would surely get angry but if you show it, you would be doomed.
The narcissist won’t stop until he/ she finalises that you admit your mistake even if it is not yours.
Scolding them in mind and having a guilty face can help. I try to write it down and tear before the person looks over it and makes it an issue.

After the break-up from the narcissist ( you have kissed the freedom finally!), here are the various plans for your life :

1. Start living avoiding them totally.

2. Do understand that the love you cherished from such a person was a lie!

3. Try to speak out your problems with a councellor or your close friends.

4. Try to be a happier and healthier person and never stop loving.

5. Stop judging yourself and boost up your confidence.

6. Narcissist usually target people with low confidence so, always questions yourself:
How can I take care of myself better?
How can I avoid sending out signals that I need help or a savior, or lots of attention?

7. Nip it in the bud by believing in yourself.

8. Promise yourself that from now on, you will be your own leader. You will believe in yourself and your achievements and will shower yourself with empathy. Yes, empathy, the quality totally missing from a narcissist.

9. You are a solid, genuine person and probably more successful than you allow yourself to believe.

10. Narcissists are picky. They don’t date just anyone.
They look for successful, accomplished people who are nice enough to let the narcissist’s self-created superiority overshadow them. If you have allowed a narcissist to prey on your lack of self-confidence, stop! No more downplaying who you truly are. It’s time to rise to the top. The lesson here is that you are much better than you think you are. Embrace the truth and move on.

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The rain dancers were here!

Living in a township in Kerala, I enjoy the company of lots of small birds. This should be due to the fact that there are lesser mobile towers nearby. Though a township, we have only few neighbors. And thanks to that, there has been no development in modernizing this place with nature killing factors. It was after a long time that I had the chance of viewing group of sparrows in a city. Coming here, I was mesmerized by the fact that there were lot of birds and a swamp area inviting migratory birds.

Waking up early in the morning is the last choice I make. Unusually that day I had woke up early as a part of new year resolution. I climbed to the terrace and started doing my exercises. Just then I heard some noises in the neighborhood.  I hurried to look out with my sleepy eyes and was completely surprised to see a pair of peafowls moving casually around my house.

Peacock- the National bird

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They are one of the largest flying birds. Their length (including tail) can reach 5 feet. They can weigh between 8-13 pounds.

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Peacocks (male peafowl) are noted for their display of their brilliant tall plumage which attracts the attention of the female during courtship.

              Peacock Feather

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The tail makes 60% of peacock’s total length. Colors of the tail will look different every time you change the angle of looking because of the reflection of the light. Tail feathers have eye-like spots, surrounded with red, green, gold and red feathers.

These pictures were taken from the terrace.

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 Most of us in India don’t find peacocks roaming around, and we only get to see them at the zoo, on vacation, or maybe at the botanical gardens. I was equally excited and thrilled seeing the beautiful birds visiting my place. There was a sense of respect in my mind too. One of the national treasures was moving besides me.

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You follow me! – Says the Peacock

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Peacocks are polygamous and usually have 2-5 female partners. Left alone peacocks are very sad and heart-broken. These were rather a happy couple! The couple had a great understanding of each other. The peacock moved forward ensuring the place was out of danger and the peahen followed it.

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Captured while foraging.

Peafowl, which are omnivorous, begin their day by foraging for food. A meal may consist of berries, leaves, seeds, insects and even small mammals and reptiles. As part of a universal routine, peafowl subsequently drink water, preen their feathers and settle down in shaded areas to rest. In the cooler afternoon hours, they eat and drink again before retreating to tree tops, where they spend the night in groups.

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I am waiting for my siblings to come!

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Peahens are excellent mothers.

The chicks are born fully feathered, and are often ready to fly within a week, and can forage within 3 days of hatching. The mother will usher them into the trees for protection, where she will protect them from weather by covering them with her wings.  The weak young ones may sometimes climb on their mothers’ back and the female may carry them in flight to a safe tree branch.

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It seemed like their last visit to the homeland

Peafowls are listed as an endangered species according to the IUCN lists. Habitat loss, predation and illegal smuggling have led to the decline of these wonderful creatures over the years. I was witnessing their habitat loss that day. Perhaps, they just took a last tour to the place they belong.

(This experience gave birth to “The Perishing Beauty” last month.)

The Perishing Beauty

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Walking on the roads
unaware of dangers around

A lovely peacock couple
were in my town

It was a rare scene
of beauty and glory

The peacock moved ahead
and the peahen followed

They moved with might and courage
it seemed like they owned the place

The place had lost its vegetation
only few tiny birds lived

Mobile towers and new buildings stood high
replacing the tall trees they adored

Homeless creatures they were
straying around for food

Finally with no hope
they disappeared into the woods

Making their last visit
to their homeland they owned

Unspoken Love

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Craving to see you all this time

Caught your eyes for the first time,

Shivering, when I found you gazing

the very feeling which made me dizzy

Scribbling my diary crazily

marking that precious day, I was so silly

began my lone journey of love

deeply feeling it was true love,

those shirts you wear

small chats you share,

all secretly inscribed in my heart

all I wanted was to give you my heart,

years rolled by, and I saw you again

smile you threw, confidence I gain

telling you my love, I decided then

nervous I was and all frozen,

my words and feelings were unspoken

when I found your heart already taken,

Crying in vain for the hidden love

a dumb child i was, losing my first love

was a terrible mistake with endless pain

decided to never fall in love again