Why do I feel the urge to make everyone HAPPY?

Being Happy and making other people Happy. You just can’t please everyone.

Strong Women with Mood Disorders

Somewhere deep down inside me since I was a little girl I’ve had this urge, desire and deep compassion to help the wounded. Call it second nature, a natural instinct, a calling or an addiction. I would feel an emptiness inside me as if I was not whole if I passed someone by in need without doing something-anything about it.

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I can not tell you how this started because I don’t know. What I do know is that I cannot stop thinking about or wanting to help people. It will keep me up at night if I have not solved a problem, nurtured, consoled, listened, hugged, gave advice, fed, cleaned or made someone smile. It’s not entirely a bad thing in others eyes, and its not. What drives me mad about this: I’m always struggling with these questions? “Do I want to make others happy because I’m not happy?” “Am I really…

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How to live with a narcissist?

Divorcing a Narcissist_Warning Sign

 

Do you have a loved one who is intolerably a narcissist. Well I did have a few experiences. I would love to share my experiences with you.

I will first list out the few plans for a better living with a narcissist whom you can never avoid.

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Plan 1

Identify the narcisist. Perhaps you are dealing with a person who pretends to be one, but might not be the same by nature.

At work place you might find people who have a bossy nature. They might be forcing themselves to face the leadership. When you interact with them, you might find he/ she is a totally different person.

A narcissist expects to be recognized as superior or special, without superior accomplishments.

A narcissist expects constant attention and admiration from others.

A narcissist is preoccupied with thoughts and fantasies of success.

A narcissist lacks the ability to empathize with the feelings of others.

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Plan 2

Does he / she tend to use you for their needs?
or
Do you tend to pay more attention to their needs than your own?

They constantly talk about their problems, but rarely is supportive in return. To an extreme narcissist, people are things to be used.
Mostly this nature is taken for granted. We might help this person out of love. But when its we who need the help, we might get helpless! This person who we had considered so close no longer listens to our help. It is automatically assumed that we will take care of it.

Donot help him/her a lot and start concentrating on your life.

The help he/ she seeks might at first turn as a suggestion, later it would be a request and after it has been your task, he/ she would even point out when you don’t do it. If there is an excuse, he/she might turn the house upside down! Beware of this situation, before its late.

 

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Plan 3

Narcissist are control freaks!

The narcissist would always have excessive control towards you.
Some might control you through excessive love and some might show their anger.
Remember, narcissist is a person without self- esteem. You leave them, they would surely panic. Donot hesitate to move on leaving them. Choosing to live with them would inturn ruin your life.

 

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Plan 4

Narcissist- The Psychological game player

They never succeed in their never-ending quest for new ways to prove to themselves they’re worth something.
If you stop playing your inculcated role, you would be soon replaced by some one else. Even if you are adored a lot one day, be ready to be hated the same way some other day. Narcissists cannot love anyone truly. They only pretend to love their people for acheiving their goals.
Never consider the love from a narcissist to be a true love. You would surely be replaced soon!

Start having your life without them, before they abandon/replace you.

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Plan 5

How to react when they are angry?

The first advice is to please avoid such situations. The longer you help and love them, the longer you are accused.
If you are a prey of this situation, kindly have patience.
Remember to softly reply to this person. You would surely get angry but if you show it, you would be doomed.
The narcissist won’t stop until he/ she finalises that you admit your mistake even if it is not yours.
Scolding them in mind and having a guilty face can help. I try to write it down and tear before the person looks over it and makes it an issue.

After the break-up from the narcissist ( you have kissed the freedom finally!), here are the various plans for your life :

1. Start living avoiding them totally.

2. Do understand that the love you cherished from such a person was a lie!

3. Try to speak out your problems with a councellor or your close friends.

4. Try to be a happier and healthier person and never stop loving.

5. Stop judging yourself and boost up your confidence.

6. Narcissist usually target people with low confidence so, always questions yourself:
How can I take care of myself better?
How can I avoid sending out signals that I need help or a savior, or lots of attention?

7. Nip it in the bud by believing in yourself.

8. Promise yourself that from now on, you will be your own leader. You will believe in yourself and your achievements and will shower yourself with empathy. Yes, empathy, the quality totally missing from a narcissist.

9. You are a solid, genuine person and probably more successful than you allow yourself to believe.

10. Narcissists are picky. They don’t date just anyone.
They look for successful, accomplished people who are nice enough to let the narcissist’s self-created superiority overshadow them. If you have allowed a narcissist to prey on your lack of self-confidence, stop! No more downplaying who you truly are. It’s time to rise to the top. The lesson here is that you are much better than you think you are. Embrace the truth and move on.